On-Level: Draft Revisions and Editing

There are some fairly simple things you can do to improve your draft for tomorrow:

1. Make sure you have a balanced number of "to be" verbs. Look for the verbs am, is, are, was, were, be, being, and been in your paper. Try to eliminate half of them.
2. Make sure your example has a few proper nouns in it. Proper nouns are the specific names of people, places, and things. If your example talks about a school, tell me the actual name of that school. If your example includes a war, tell me the real name of that war. Try to have at least three to five proper nouns in your example. Research details if you have to.
3. Make sure your verb game is strong. Circle all the verbs in your essay. Can you improve your word choice? You can go on http://www.thesaurus.com to help with your word choice.

Reread your paper and see if it answers these essential questions:

• Do you pick a side and argue for that side?
• Did you use a real, actual example in your body paragraph? It's okay if it's from a movie or TV show, as long as it's detailed.
• Does your thesis have a Topic + Position + Reason?
• If you gave two reasons in your thesis, did you talk about both reasons? If you have two reasons in your thesis, but the rest of your paper only talks about one, then you need to revise your thesis.
• Did you explain your example? Use key words from your thesis to explain your example to your audience. Explain more than you think you have to. Explain it like you're explaining it to an alien from outer space. Over-explain!
• Look at your conclusion. Did you restate the ideas in your thesis? This is your last persuasive moment with your audience. Is there anything else you can say to be persuasive?

Finally, think back to the definition of the word persuasive. It means that you are trying to convince others that you are right. Reread your paper. Are you convincing? Is there anything you can add to convince your reader better than you already are?